What time do you go to bed and wake up currently?
You’ve probably heard the common advice:
“Just control your emotions.”
But what does that really mean?
For many, it translates to shutting down, ignoring or even suppressing what they feel. Yet, true emotional control isn’t about silencing your inner world; it’s about understanding, processing and consciously choosing your response. It’s about mastering your emotions, not “fixing” them.
Based on Tony Robbins’ transformative approach, here are six powerful steps to help you navigate your feelings with greater skill and confidence:
1. Identify What Youโre Really Feeling
When an emotion arises, your first instinct might be to label it quickly: “I’m angry,” or “I’m sad.” But often, that initial label is just the surface. To truly understand what’s happening within, you need to dig deeper.
Ask yourself: “What exactly am I feeling?”
Don’t settle for the first label that comes to mind. Is it truly anger, or is it frustration, resentment, disappointment, or even fear masked as anger? Is “sadness” actually loneliness, grief, or a sense of loss? Take a moment to sit with the sensation and explore its nuances. The more precise you are in identifying the emotion, the better equipped you’ll be to address its root cause.
2. Acknowledge the Emotion
Once you’ve identified what you’re feeling, the next crucial step is to acknowledge it. This might sound simple, but it’s often the hardest part for many. We’re taught to view certain emotions as “bad” or “unproductive,” leading us to deny their existence.
Remember: Every feeling is valid.
Denying an emotion doesn’t make it disappear; it often makes it stronger, pushing it beneath the surface only for it to erupt later with greater intensity. Acknowledging an emotion isn’t about endorsing it or letting it control you; it’s about accepting its presence. Say to yourself, “I am feeling [emotion],” without judgment or self-criticism. This act of acceptance is the first step towards disarming its power over you.
3. Get Curious
With acknowledgment comes the opportunity for curiosity. Instead of wishing the emotion away, approach it with an open mind. Think of it as a messenger, not a master.
Ask yourself: “What’s this emotion trying to tell me?”
Every emotion, even the uncomfortable ones, carries a message. Anger might be signaling a boundary crossed or an injustice. Fear could be highlighting a perceived threat or an area where you need to grow. Sadness might be pointing to something you value that has been lost or is missing. Learning from your emotions means embracing them as valuable feedback, rather than trying to avoid them. This shift from avoidance to inquiry is profoundly empowering.
4. Get Confident
Now that you’ve identified, acknowledged, and explored the emotion, it’s time to tap into your inner strength. This step is about reminding yourself of your inherent capacity to handle challenges.
Recall a moment: “When have I handled this feeling well in the past?”
Confidence isn’t built on pep talks; it’s built on proof. Think back to a time when you successfully navigated a similar emotional state. What did you do? What resources did you draw upon? How did you overcome it? By remembering your past triumphs, you create a powerful mental precedent that reinforces your ability to manage the current situation. This provides tangible evidence of your resilience.
5. Get Certain You Can Handle It Again
Building on past success, this step is about solidifying your belief in your future capabilities. It’s about transforming a past experience into a present conviction.
Visualize: “Imagine dealing with this emotion smoothly โ now and in the future.”
Close your eyes and vividly picture yourself responding to the emotion with calm and effectiveness. See yourself implementing the insights you gained from your past experiences. Envision not just overcoming the current challenge, but also confidently handling similar emotions if they arise again. This mental rehearsal builds neural pathways that prepare you for success, making your desired response more automatic and natural.
6. Get Excited and Take Action
The final step is the most crucial for lasting change: taking action. Emotions are not static; they shift when you move. Sitting with an emotion, even with understanding, can sometimes prolong its grip.
Remember: Emotions shift when you move. Act on your plan, not your panic.
Based on your insights from the previous steps, decide on a constructive action you can take. This doesn’t have to be a grand gesture; it could be having a difficult conversation, practicing a relaxation technique, seeking support, or simply changing your physical state by going for a walk. When you act in alignment with your desired outcome, rather than being paralyzed by the emotion, you reclaim your power and begin to shape your experience.
You don’t need to feel “fine” all the time. Life is a rich tapestry of emotions and every feeling serves a purpose.
What you do need are the tools to handle when you don’t feel “fine.”
By embracing these six steps, you’re not just managing your emotions; you’re developing a deeper relationship with yourself, building resilience and truly mastering your emotional world.
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