“When you are in uncertainty, when you feel at risk, when you feel exposed, don’t tap out. Stay brave, stay uncomfortable, stay in the cringy moment, lean into the hard conversation, and keep leading.”
When we picture financial struggle, our minds often conjure images of empty pockets and a constant grind, just barely making ends meet. But here’s the stark truth: money trouble doesn’t always parade around looking desperate. Sometimes, it wears a disguise. A pretty convincing one.
That’s the insidious thing about financial struggles—they morph and manifest uniquely for everyone. And at some point, most of us will stare them down.
During those years, the sheer, suffocating weight of my financial burden didn’t just crush my present; it absolutely obliterated dreams I hadn’t even dared to imagine. My mental and physical well-being, my very spark of vitality, were ruthlessly traded for mere survival.
Well-meaning friends and family tried to offer comfort, but their words often landed with a dull thud, missing the mark entirely. “Trust the universe” or “just stay positive” only deepened my isolation, making me feel fundamentally misunderstood. How could I even begin to explain that financial hardship wasn’t some spiritual test, but a concrete, insurmountable wall blocking out everything else?
I did make it through. But reflecting on that brutal chapter, one question echoed constantly: Maybe easy was never an option, but did it all have to be so incredibly hard? It hit me: there’s a gaping chasm between the complex, soul-crushing realities of prolonged financial strain and the often simplistic, utterly unhelpful advice we’re handed.
What Not to Whisper to a Drowning Soul
We all mean well, we truly do. But sometimes our attempts at help, however heartfelt, can feel like a slap in the face. Here’s what often falls desperately flat:
- “The struggle will end when you learn your lesson.”This idea—that challenges repeat until we magically grasp some hidden meaning—might offer comfort in certain life moments, but not when you’re wrestling a relentless financial beast. The notion that I was somehow failing to learn a “lesson” just piled on another layer of stress. The raw truth? Sometimes, life just throws curveballs with no grand, teachable moment attached. Our job isn’t to decipher a secret message; it’s to just keep moving, any way we can.
- “You’re strong; you can handle it.”Meant as encouragement, this often feels incredibly dismissive. Financial stress isn’t just about big numbers; it’s the relentless, grinding daily battle for survival. Instead of pushing someone to “be strong,” ask: How can I genuinely lighten your load? Let them vent. Acknowledge their exhaustion. Strength isn’t the absence of struggle; it’s surviving in spite of it. And even the strongest among us need a freaking break.
- “Money is just energy—align yourself with abundance.”Look, a positive mindset is valuable, absolutely. But financial hardship isn’t a spiritual failing. People don’t struggle because they’re “out of alignment” with abundance; they struggle because of real-world expenses, job market realities, and often unforgiving economic systems. No amount of positive thinking, however well-intended, can pay the mortgage or put food on the table.
- “When something changes inside you, your external world will reflect it.”After years of clawing my way out, there was no sudden “aha” moment, no miraculous inner transformation that magically shifted my finances. What changed things was consistent, gritty preparation, meticulous planning, and relentless execution of countless logistical tasks over a very, very long period. It was sheer hard work that paid off, not some sudden, mystical liberation.
- “Just work on your passion after your day job.”When you’re financially drowning, exhaustion isn’t just a feeling; it’s a constant, heavy companion. My job demanded intense mental energy. Coming home and trying to squeeze out more cognitive effort for “passion projects” was nearly impossible. It’s like telling a personal trainer to do intense workouts morning, noon, and night—they’ll burn out or get injured. Sometimes, survival means setting dreams aside until you can actually pursue them without harming yourself.
What Actually Helps: Beyond the Platitudes
Navigating financial struggle is an isolating, terrifying journey. Here’s what truly, deeply made a difference:
- Love Through ListeningEven now, having navigated my own storm, it’s hard for me not to inject my own biases and experiences when someone shares their struggles. The crucial reminder is this: we are not experts on someone else’s life. They are. But we can be powerful listeners. And it’s in that deep, empathetic listening that we truly express love.
- Dive Into the SpecificsOne of the most profound forms of help I received came from having genuinely practical conversations about my situation. Talking through the overwhelmingly vast number of concerns helped me gain clarity and, incredibly, some relief. If you want to support someone, ask about their specific plans and course of action. This helps them declutter their mind and ground themselves in something they can actually control.
- Provide Resources (Beyond Cash)Support doesn’t have to be financial. Helping me find a reputable accountant, connecting me with another homeowner, or simply helping me compare mortgage rates were all unbelievably useful. A friend once sat with me, breaking down different bank rates and calculating my options—a simple act that made a monumental difference. Another friend physically showed up, helping with home repairs and painting. These actions didn’t just advise; they moved the plan along.
- Help with Decision FatigueFinancial struggles unleash an endless barrage of decisions: which bills to pay first, whether to downsize, how to negotiate better rates. The questions are relentless. Having someone to simply talk through those choices with, to just be a steady sounding board, can be a game-changer.
- Remind Them of Their LeadershipOne piece of advice that truly resonated, that anchored me, came from Brené Brown:”When you are in uncertainty, when you feel at risk, when you feel exposed, don’t tap out. Stay brave, stay uncomfortable, stay in the cringy moment, lean into the hard conversation, and keep leading.” At a time when I felt anything but a leader—let alone a good one—these words hit home like a thunderclap. They didn’t focus on what should have been or could have been, but on the raw reality of what was: a whole lot of discomfort. My job wasn’t to crumble under pressure or lose my footing with every fresh challenge. It was to keep leading—myself and everyone involved—through the uncertainty, no matter how excruciating it felt. That was my only job.
My financial struggles are now behind me—something I once genuinely believed was impossible. If you’re navigating your own storm, know this: you are absolutely, unequivocally not alone. The weight of it may feel unbearable, but the leader inside you, the people who shoulder the journey with you, and a benevolent force greater than you can currently see, will carry you through. As I recently read, “The horrors will persist, but so will you.”
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